7 Signs of Addictive Relationships

If you liked 64 Ways to Say I Love You, try 7 Signs of Addictive Relationships

1. Dishonesty. Neither Sam nor Debbie talks about who they are or what's really bothering them. They lie about what they want. This turns communication into an addictive relationship.
2. Unrealistic expectations. Both Sam and Debbie think the other will solve their self-esteem, body image, family, and existential problems. They believe the "right relationship" will make everything better. Yet, they're in a disastrous addictive relationship.
3. Instant gratification. Sam expects Debbie to be there for him whenever he needs her; he needs her to make him happy immediately. He's using her to make him feel good, and isn't relating to her as a partner or even a human being. She's a like drug. An addictive relationship drug.
4. Compulsive control. Debbie has to act a certain way, or Sam will threaten to leave her. Both feel pressure to stay in this addictive relationship; neither feel like they're together voluntarily.
5. Lack of trust. Neither partner trusts the other to be there when the chips are down. They don't believe the other really loves them, and they don't believe genuine caring or liking exists. At some level they know they're not in a healthy but rather in an addictive relationship.
6. Social isolation. Nobody else is invited into their relationship – not friends, family, or work acquaintances. People in addictive relationships want to be left alone.
7. Cycle of pain. Sam and Debbie are trapped in a cycle of pleasure, pain, disillusionment, blaming, and reconnection. The cycle repeats itself until one partner breaks free of the addictive relationship.

Addictive relationships can change, if both partners are self-aware and willing to do what it takes. In some cases an objective viewpoint (such as counseling) helps; other times, self-control and mutual accountability are all that's needed to turn the addictive relationships around.

The 64 Ways to Say "I Love You":

1. Learn how to rekindle the flame.
2. Don't compare them to anyone.
3. Be courteous at all times.
4. Embrace the present moments without fear or guilt.
5. Live by the Golden Rule (Do unto others....).
6. Give them your full attention when talking.
7. Become their biggest fan and cheerleader!
8. Toast each other over breakfast or dinner to say I love you.
9. Tell them how they bring love to your life.
10. Share funny quote or events.
11. Talk about your day during mealtimes.
12. Read books aloud together.
13. Say you're sorry.
14. Recall good and bad memories.
15. Let go of past mistakes & failures.
16. Do nothing together.
17. Encourage health in all its forms.
18. Trust your partner enough to cry together.
19. Act silly together.
20. Be lavish in praise.
21. Ask questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts.
22. To say I love you, forget about labels.
23. Encourage adventures and risks!
24. Show your joy when they come home.
25. Bake cookies.
26. Leave workplace stress at work - or get rid of it altogether!
27. Use flannel sheets in the winter.
28. Solve proble together - crosswords or war.
29. Show your gratitude for them.
30. Be a good sounding board.
31. To say I love you, take pride in them -- and show it.
32. Compliment them in front of others.
33. Spend time with them.
34. Listen to them.
35. Ask for hugs and kisses.
36. Take vacations together.
37. Tell the truth.
38. Use pet names to say I love you.
39. Practice self-acceptance.
40. Hunt for treasure together.
41. Be interested in their interests.
42. To say I love you, let go of jealousy.
43. Accept their weaknesses and flaws.
44. Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them.
45. Take off your mask
    
46. Share chocolates, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes.
47. To say I love you, ignore slights.
48. Pray or meditate together.
49. Practice forgiveness.
50. Watch classic movies together.
51. Leave notes or send letters.
52. To say I love you, buy a "for no reason at all" gift.
53. Don't gossip or judge.
54. Give the benefit of the doubt.
55. Give space when they're in a bad or sad mood.
56. Learn something new together.
57. Go dancing.
58. Keep your promises to say I love you.
59. Make them laugh
    
60. Consider their feelings.
61. Hide a treat in their lunch.
62. To say I love you, make home a fun place to be.
63. Let them make their own decisions.
64. Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why.

Saying I love you and having good relationships does take work. It's hard to be honest, and it's hard to accept the consequences of your honesty and authenticity. It takes time, energy, and commitment to stay connected through all the problems that life and people bring. It can be painful, aggravating, and scary to stick it out through all the ups and downs....but the alternative is worse.

Learn to say I love you regularly and sincerely.

HOW TO BE A GOOD FRIEND

To have good friends you must be a good friend. Here are some of the ways good friends treat each other:

• Good friends listen to each other.

• Good friends don't put each other down or hurt each other's feelings.

• Good friends try to understand each other's feelings and moods.

• Good friends help each other solve problems.

• Good friends give each other compliments.

• Good friends can disagree without hurting each other.

• Good friends are dependable.

• Good friends respect each other.

• Good friends are trustworthy.

• Good friends give each other room to change.

• Good friends care about each other.

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